Top Ten Albums of the Years (and other musical things)

Let’s get this out there right now: 2011 was a bad year for music. I mean, a real bad year. If you thought cinema suffered in 2011, you ain’t seen nothing yet. In fact, as you go down these lists and go “Hey, how come you left out (Insert memorable album like Speak Now, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy or Pink Friday here)?” please remember that these albums actually came out at the tail end of 2010, as did most of the albums that received top honors at this year’s Grammys. Below are my picks for the best of this year in music, despite the slim pickings I was presented. Yes, I know the general consensus is that Adele’s 21 is the year’s best, and a close second is Watch the Throne by Jay-Z and Kanye. Sorry to report you’ll find one get less than the top slot, and one left off, and that’s just how I see it. Whether that’s seeing through hype or being “hipster”, well…that’s up for the commentator’s to decide. But if you think there’s a great album from 2011 I didn’t mention, let me know. Maybe I just didn’t hear it, and if so, I’ll gladly amend my mistake.

Top Ten Albums of the Year

10) Lulu- Lou Reed & Metallica

The year’s most criminally misunderstood album, this marriage of the godfather of glam rock and the heads of head banging makes both sound fresher than they have in years. Playing like the Velvet Underground at their most experimental, critics derided Hetfield & co. as losing their touch, when really they were just feeling around in uncharted territory, trying to find a new sound. With the master experimenter Lou Reed as their guide, it seems they found something stellar. No, Lulu isn’t for everyone, but it’s new, it’s unique, and it’s exciting. Poetry set to grinding guitars.

9) Ghost on the Canvas- Glen Campbell

In a year that took from us Clarence Clemmons and Amy Winehouse, the year’s biggest tragedy might easily be Glen Campbell. Most young Grammy viewers this year knew him as “That old guy who took tribute time away from Whitney Houston”, but when earlier in the year Glen announced that this album would be his final, and the tour supporting it his “farewell tour” due to his Alzheimer’s related memory loss, the country music world was stunned, and we all expected a Rick Rubin/Johnny Cash album of bleak ballads. Instead, Campbell chose to go out triumphant, with a collection of tracks that embody the same spirit that Glen poured into “Wichita Lineman” and “Rhinestone Cowboy” so many years ago. In a year that saw a lot of country release, the master schooled the bunch.

8) Barton Hollow- The Civil Wars

In the days I was brainstorming this piece, the #8 slot was occupied by Jay and Kanye’s self-love fest Watch The Throne. But then I gave it another spin, and realized that…well…it kinda sucks. Other than “Otis” the rhymes are stale, and it serves as nothing more than a love letter between Jay and Kanye (for an industry as homophobic as rap, nobody cracks jokes about those two?). But by sheer luck, when I felt like there was nothing to put in WTT’s place, iTunes jumped to the title track from The Civil Wars’ debut album, and I remembered how fresh and natural this record sounded. One of the best debuts in years, The Civil Wars are branded as country, but that’s far to limiting a label. Barton Hollow has a sound that works for country fans, pop fans and indie fans alike, like a less literary, less pretentious Decemberists. One of the most “worth a spin” records in years. A phenomenal debut from a band I have high hopes for. Glad the Grammys gave them some well deserved attention.

7) Wasting Light- The Foo Fighters

The Foo Fighters churned out this gnarly LP in a garage, and with it claimed the title of the best rock band of 2011. Granted, being the best rock band in 2011 is like being the best athlete at a performing arts high school. It’s not that hard and it really doesn’t mean much. That being said, Wasting Light stands up alongside all the other records in the Foo Fighters oeuvre as a hot and heavy, hard rocking hell of an album. From the poorly-recorded to perfection “White Limo” to the trademark Grohl growl on “Rope”, those who’ve grown weary of the indie rock mumbles that pervade the radio, and get angry at the hints of hipster in The Black Keys can find salvation in Wasting Light. So roll down your windows, crank up the stereo, blast the album’s anthemic “Walk” and send those pill-popping hipsters back to Brooklyn.

6) Goblin- Tyler, The Creator

The year’s most inventive and original rap album, Goblin plays like a Tom Waits rap record: equal parts entertaining and unnerving. Tyler’s dark grumble even sounds like Waits, and every track seems like a man on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Sure, Eminem gave us serial killer rap for years, but as Tyler spits out lines like “I’ll stab Bruno Mars in his god damn esophagus” through gritted teeth, you’re actually afraid he’s gonna do it. I mean, while Jay and his little protégé spit stale rhymes over an overproduced, grammar mangling chorus of “that shi cray”, Tyler treats us to such tightrope-of-sanity treading choruses as “Radical”s “Kill people, burn shit, fuck school”. After all the generic, bubblegum pop rap the industry’s been feeding us for years, it’s nice to have a new voice; a dark, demented experiment in shock-rap. If David Lynch had produced N.W.A., I think it’d sound a bit like this, and that makes it well worth a listen.

5) Hell on Heels- Pistol Annies

Miranda Lambert  has already established herself as one of the reigning queens of country, and this year she gave the world a hot version of the Highwaymen, by teaming up with Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley to form Pistol Annies. Admittedly, this brilliant country record’s highlights are essentially Miranda Lambert tracks with some good back-up vocals, but that certainly ain’t a bad thing. One of the most consistent records of the year, and pure modern country, Hell On Heels has a brilliant energy to it that blazes in every track, and is this year’s “Roll down the windows on a hot summer’s drive” album. Yes, I’ve been praising the boundary pushers like Tyler, the Creator and Lulu this year, but sometimes you gotta love somebody who just does their genre and does it well. Pistol Annies sure as hell do, and if many a CMA award doesn’t head their way, then this is an unjust world.

4) Let England Shake- PJ Harvey

PJ Harvey’s latest record was NME’s pick for album of the year, and it’s not hard to see why. Ten years after she bared her soul on the surprisingly straight-forward Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea, with two disappointing records (2004’s Uh Huh Her and 2007’s White Chalk) behind her, Harvey burst back on the scene with a lyrically vicious album about her home country's foundations, a country built on bloodshed and battlefields. The title track’s creepy, ethereal vocals show a return to form for an underground-renowned artist whose style has been imitated and replicated but never matched. On first listen, Let England Shake seems like a great edition to the PJ Harvey catalog. Then you listen to it again, and again, and begin to realize it might just be Harvey’s finest record ever.

3) The Book Of Mormon- Original Broadway Cast

In a weak year for both music and Broadway, the geniuses behind South Park and Avenue Q came together to save both. Not only is Book of Mormon the funniest and most original show to hit Broadway in my lifetime (and yes, I do remember The Producers), it’s also one of the best composed, with a score that manages to skewer other Broadway classics while making its own show-stopping numbers in the process. Melodically catchy and lyrically hilarious, The Book of Mormon soundtrack is more of a listening pleasure, and has more repeatability, than half of this year’s Grammy nominees. From the gleefully satirical “I Believe” to the brilliantly vulgar “Hasa Diga Eebowai”, these songs won Trey and Matt both a Grammy and a Tony, and both were well deserved. Unless you have a sensitivity to profanity (because there is a lot of it here), I surely hope I can convert you to The Book of Mormon. I can truly guarantee you that this book will change your life.

2) 21- Adele

Oh, dear reader, I still stand by my belief that Adele is massively overrated. I still believe that the magazines and public idea that Adele is great for “having talent, and making music without computers, auto-tune or dressing like a slut” is the same as giving a runner a gold medal for not shitting himself on the track. Adele does what all musicians are supposed to do, and she does a decent job of it. It’s a shame our standards have gotten so low. That being said, 21 is a sharp, consistent, brilliantly produced pop record and an undeniable force in the musical landscape. There’s not a bad track on the album, even if nothing’s earth-shattering, and it’s a fine hour of listening. Not the year’s best album, but certainly its most accessible.

1) w h o k i l l- tUnE-yArDs

The year’s most inventive, exciting, and genre-defying record, w h o k i l l is in your face from the first twisted notes of “My Country”, and takes your mind on twists and turns until the very end of “Killa”. Equal parts Bjork and free-form jazz, the second album by Merrill Garbus’ musical experiment tUnE-yArDs was picked as the Village Voice’s Pazz & Jop Poll Album of the Year, and though they don’t agree with the public perception (that Adele’s 21 is the year’s finest record, with it’s hermetically sealed pop perfection), they nailed it with this year’s pick. There’s a life to w h o k i l l that hasn’t been felt since Miles Davis laid down Bitches Brew, and in all its experimentation, the record doesn’t lose any of its pure melodic joy. Unlike most of the music this year, Adele and the FF included, w h o k i l l  doesn’t sedate you. It doesn’t provide background noise. It makes your mind an active participant in the art. It reaches out its hand and asks you to take a journey. I encourage you, take the journey. You won’t regret it.

Top Ten Songs of the Year

10.) “Ghost on the Canvas”- Glen Campbell

Above I gave my thoughts on the album from which this track came, but of all the songs on the record, this title track is the highlight. Glen’s sweet, somber yet hopeful farewell track brings a joyful tear to almost any eye, and the lack of airplay its received is criminal. It’s no “Hurt” (Johnny Cash’s career-reviving single), but it didn’t want to be. Glen leaves the industry on a high note with this Paul Westerberg penned track.

9.) “Edge of Glory”- Lady Gaga

Just when the “I’m so avant-garde” dance/pop queen schtick was getting tired, Gaga came back strong with (after a cheap “Express Yourself” rip-off, of course) a great pop track. No “pro-gay ‘cause it sells records” implications, no unnecessary edginess. In fact, the first time I heard it, it sounded like a mix of Madonna and Bruce Springsteen. Sure enough, before I could even utter the opinion, the late Big Man himself, Clarence Clemmons comes in with a brilliant sax solo worthy of “Jungleland”. On the otherwise disappointing Born This Way, “Edge of Glory” stands out as a great pop single, enjoyable to more people than just her rabid, leg-humping fans.

8.) “My Body”- Young the Giant

Brought to most of our attentions by a rip-roaring performance on the MTV VMAs, Young The Giant might just be the new band to watch for, and “My Body” is undeniably their breakout single. While some may prefer the more standard indie-rock fare of “Cough Syrup”, it’s “My Body” that rips and howls with a rock and roll spirit that hasn’t been felt outside the Foo Fighters in a long time. An almost tribal drum beat, screeching guitars, and a frontman with an energy that bursts through the speakers make “My Body” one of the year’s best tracks. Let’s hope there’s many more to come from these guys.

7.) “Hasa Diga Eebowai”- The Book of Mormon Cast

No, it’s not a single. It received no radio airplay. Hell, unless you know Broadway, you probably haven’t heard this song. But this uproarious “Hakunah Matata” knock-off from the stellar Book of Mormon soundtrack trumps even the tracks from the South Park movie. To describe it is to spoil it, but needless to say that when the show’s two Mormon missionaries arrive in Uganda, they find the people there have religious beliefs of their own already.

6.) “Pumped Up Kicks”- Foster The People

"Pumped Up Kicks” is catchy as hell. “Pumped Up Kicks” was all over the TV, the radio, the internet, hell, it was even in movie trailers. “Pumped Up Kicks” is lyrically about a kid massacring his fellow students, but it was danceable enough that no one noticed. “Pumped Up Kicks” is also the epitomy of indie rock, and possibly the final nail in its coffin. The catchy hook, the overly-echoing vocals like the singer’s too shy to want to be heard, the shoe-gazing  atmosphere of the instruments, and the soft-loud dynamic lifted straight from the Pixies, “Pumped Up Kicks” is either the mainstream’s gateway drug to indie, or indie rock’s death knell. This author humbly hopes it’s the latter.

5.) “Otis”- Jay-Z and Kanye West

From an under-whelming album comes a great single track, mostly due to its sampling of the immortal Otis Redding. He may not be a great rapper (despite the opinions of every magazine and hipster on the planet), but damn can Kanye produce a track. A brilliant beat like this one could provide a hit for any rapper, but thankfully for at least one track on WTT, Jay-Z is in full-form, spitting fire like he hasn’t since The Blueprint, and even Kanye spit’s a flicker of fire here and there. This track is vintage HOVA, and if every track on WTT was this hot, it would have easily been one of the greatest rap albums of all-time. As it is, though, at least we have Jigga and ‘Ye at the top of their game while St. Otis shrieks and screams.

4.) “First of the Year (Equinox)”- Skrillex

There's no single cover, so here's that creepy kid.

Love it or hate it, the kids all seemed to be listening to the dubstep this year. Whether this is a new genre or a flash in the pan fad has yet to be seen, but either way, dubstep’s king seems to be the Hot Topic employee-looking Skrillex. Sure, most dubstep sounds like the bastard cousin of Kraftwerk, but there’s something undeniably masterful in scope and sound about Skrillex’s “First of the Year (Equinox)”. Yes, it’s equal parts dance beat and murder soundtrack, but even if you find this genre insufferable, Skrillex has a flair to his work that makes it engaging, and it’s seen no more obviously than in this track. Dubstep may be here to stay, but as long as it sounds like this, it’s welcome.

3.) “Walk”- Foo Fighters

Hard, heavy and triumphant, the Foo Fighter’s anthemic single has a pop-punk spirit that’s hard to hate, from it’s growled out chorus to its jump-up-and-down-and-shout bridge of “I never wanna die!”, “Walk” shows that rock and roll is indeed here to stay, if in short supply.

2.) “Rolling In The Deep”- Adele

This track was everywhere. With an old-school vibe and…come on, I don’t have to argue this one, guys. Hell, you’ve heard the track as much as I have, and your probably love it. It seems like everyone does. NME, The Village Voice, Rolling Stone, they were all all over this song. What more is there to be said at this point?

1.) “Video Games”- Lana Del Rey

While everyone else fell in love with Adele’s booming voice, I was falling for Lana Del Rey. An unknown with a Youtube account, Del Rey posted a simple little video for her single “Video Games”, and in this track I heard all the confessional honesty, all the wounded vulnerability, and all the heart-wrenching vocal talent I’d heard everyone else talk about in Adele. Let’s forget the SNL performance (which I loved, by the way, in a Nico/Patti Smith kinda way), and just focus on the gorgeous, confessional song. I haven’t heard the full album yet. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need to. Out of nowhere, this single hit the scene and left an impact, and truly showed the way the internet can shape the music industry for the better.

Top Ten Music Videos of the Year

10) "Cough Syrup"- Young The Giant

 

It’s like an OK Go video, but with better music.

9) "Super Bass"- Nicki Minaj

Saccharine and sexy, like everything Nicki Minaj does.

8) “Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)”- Gotye

Yeah, the song is generic hipster crap trying to be Peter Gabriel, but the video works like Gabriel’s best visuals.

7) "It"- Rich Aucoin

Chock full of movie homages, this charmingy inventive music video brought attention to the otherwise unheard Rich Aucoin.

6) "Conversation 16"- The National

The National’s been a great band for years, but this absurd video for “Cnversation 16”, featuring The Daily Show’s Kristen Schaal and Mad Men’s John Slattery, had to bring them some new, well-deserved fans.

5) "Lonely Boy"- The Black Keys

Whatever your thoughts on The Black Keys, you have to admit the sheer absurdity of “Lonely Boy” makes it one of the year’s most memorable.

4) "Edge of Glory"- Lady Gaga

The (by Gaga standards) modest outfit, the Hollywood-set-esque fire escapes she dances on, the straightforward visual style. Dare I say it? The normality of the video to accompany this non-flashy single shows a new maturity for Gaga as soon as her old tricks were getting tired. Also, Clarence sitting on the steps is a nice touch.

3) "Walk"- The Foo Fighters

The Falling Down-inspired video for “Walk” does what every great FF video does, blends humor and angst (both helped by the many faces of human Muppet Dave Grohl) to perfectly capture the FF spirit.

2) "Make Some Noise"- The Beastie Boys

You’d think “Lonely Boy” or “Conversation 16” would be the most hilariously ridiculous video of the year, but leave it to The Beastie Boys to come back with a bang. A condensed version of their short film Fight For Your Right Revisited, “Make Some Noise” is riddled with celebrity cameos of the silliest fashion, most prominently its three leads, Elijah Wood, Seth Rogen and Eastbound And Down’s Danny McBride as the young Beastie Boys themselves.

1) "Yonkers"- Tyler, The Creator

Directed by Tyler under the moniker Wolf Haley, “Yonkers” is the year’s most inventive video. Done in practically a single shot, its twisted black and white style takes the work Mark Romanek did with Nine Inch Nails (“Perfect Drug” & “Closer”) and amps it up to 11. It’s eerie, unsettling, and feels fresh and new with every viewing. It’s like Eraserhead set to rap music. Sheer brilliance.

The Best of the Genres

Best Rock Album: Wasting Light- Foo Fighters

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Rock Song: “Walk”- Foo Fighters

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best Alternative Album: w h o k i l l- tune-yards

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Alternative Song: “Lotus Flower”- Radiohead

Yes, King of Limbs was a bland disappointment, and “Lotus Flower” was the only memorable track. On the other hand, It sure as hell was a memorable track. It’ll fit well into any Radiohead play list, and is still better than all the indie-rock bands that so desperately wish they were Radiohead.

Best Really Alternative Album: Crazy Clown Time- David Lynch

There’s no other way to describe it. Lynch is in a class of his own when it comes to film, but he also manages this year to bump Tom Waits out of a category I created exclusively for him. Cause let’s be real, like any Lynch film, you don’t know what the hell is happening on Crazy Clown Time, but it’s kind of intriguing.

Best Rap Album: Goblin- Tyler, The Creator

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Rap Song: “Otis“- Jay-Z & Kanye West

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best Pop Album: 21- Adele

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Pop Song: “Video Games”- Lana Del Rey

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best Dance Album: House of Balloons/Thursday- The Weeknd

Maybe it’s a bit of cheating since it’s actually two EPs, but forget any Deadmau5 or Guetta. The year’s best dance music came from the obscure Weeknd. Track down these EPs. You won’t regret it.

Best Dance Song: “First of the Year (Equinox)”- Skrillex

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best R&B Album: The Stepkids- The Stepkids

So, this debut album by three white kids that call themselves “psychedelic soul” feels more like a classic Marvin Gaye record than anything that bares the label “R&B” these days (I’m looking at you, Chris Brown). Grossly underexposed, like any real R&B is these days, The Stepkids is worth giving a spin. Maybe it’ll help unite the R&B crowd and the hipsters.

Best R&B Song: “I Miss You Now”- Ledisi

This right here. This is real R&B. Honest, soulful, sexy R&B. Ledisi may not be the household name Rihanna is, but in a just world, she would be.

Best Country Album: Hell on Heels- Pistol Annies

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Country Song: “Ghost On The Canvas”- Glen Campbell

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best Live Album: Live At Shea Stadium- Billy Joel

Ah, the last play at Shea. Like when Bruce Springsteen closed out Giants Stadium (where he debuted “Wrecking Ball”), the piano man was called upon to play a final night at Shea Stadium, and play he did, with a little help from friends like Paul McCartney. Billy hasn’t sounded better in years, and this record is a triumph, especially for those of us who remember the ol’ girl we called Shea.

Best Compilation Album: U2 Duals- U2

You could only get it through u2.com (unless you do that whole pirating thing), but in a world full of “Best of” compilations, this was much more fun, pulling together duets old and new with the Irish rock band.

Best Soundtrack: The Book Of Mormon- Original Broadway Cast

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Debut Album: Barton Hollow- The Civil Wars

See “Top Ten Albums of the Year”

Best Debut Single: “Video Games”- Lana Del Rey

See “Top Ten Songs of the Year”

Best Cover Song: “I Can’t Make You Love Me”- Bon Iver (Originally by Bonnie Raitt)

Look this up on Youtube as soon as humanly possible. I know Adele covered this too, but her bombastic voice crushes the tenderness of the song, a tenderness Justin Vernon cradles in his Buckley-esque falsetto.

Best Reissued Album- Nevermind 20th Anniversary Edition- Nirvana

Live recordings, bonus tracks, remixes, concert footage, all added to an already classic album. If you’ve never heard Nevermind, or you’ve had it memorized for 20 years, this album is for you.

Best Non-English Release: Violeta Violeta, Vol. 2- Kaizers Orchestra

A foreign band I’ve been espousing for years, Kaizers Orchestra keeps pumping out great music album after album. Catchy, hard rock tracks in a language you don’t understand and don’t need to, just download their whole discography, to which Violeta Violeta Vol. 2 makes a great addition.

Feel free to tell me I suck for not liking Kanye below.

Top Ten Film of the Year (and other cinematical things)

Based entirely off of the films I have seen this year. Feel free to disagree. I know some of you will.

The Top 10 Films of the Year:

10.) Bunkraku (Dir. Guy Moshe; Starring: Josh Hartnett, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, Ron Perlman; U.S.)

Undoubtedly the most obscure pick on this list, I hadn’t even heard of this indie martial arts Western until a friend showed me a bootleg on his laptop. Though debuting in 2010 at the Toronto International Film Festival, Bunraku didn’t see even a theatrical release until a year later, and it’s not hard to see why. It bends and blends genres to such a degree that Tarantino would be perplexed, plays like a centuries old Japanese revenge story, as told through a spaghetti Western as remade in a sci-fi dystopian film shot in India. The film is the kind of surreal, wild thrill ride that goes on to become a cult hit, and I’ve never hoped such a fate for any film more than Bunraku. Undoubtedly one of the year’s most unique entries.

Why are you not watching this movie already?

9.) Kung-Fu Panda 2 (Dir. Jennifer Yuh Nelson; Starring: Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Gary Oldman, Dustin Hoffman; U.S.)

I can already feel your ire, dear reader, that I cast aside other film candy (GWTDT, Drive, The Help, War Horse) and instead give praise to a cartoon sequel. But I encourage you to withhold judgment until you see the film. Yes, the story may be a tad predictable, but such is the state of the modern kung-fu movie. And the delight of Kung-Fu Panda 2 (unlike its more cutesy, “everyone’s special” first installment) is that it is, in fact, a kung-fu movie. It’s simply animated, and using anthropomorphic animals. But simply because it’s accessible to children doesn’t mean it’s geared towards them. The film has a stylish sensibility to it, incorporating exquisite traditional Japanese animation styles mixed in with its 3-D computer animation, and tells a tale of revenge and self-discovery that has pervaded the martial arts film for decades, without ever fully succumbing to kids film clichés. The film’s highlight is the animation, of course, but credit must be given to its voice cast, who commit to the emotion of the characters (Gary Oldman, as usual, puts in way more effort than necessary, turning in a performance as Lord Shen as great as any in recent memory). In a year of bland sequels, this one is miles above the original.

Just...trust me. It really is one of the best of the year.

8.) X-Men: First Class (Dir. Matthew Vaughn; Starring: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Kevin Bacon, January Jones; U.S.)

In the years between Batman films, Marvel truly gets a chance to shine, especially in the time building up towards their unprecedented, all-or-nothing extravaganza The Avengers. So it would come as a huge shock to many that, in a summer with not one but two Avengers-related films (Thor and Captain America), the most thrilling and refined comic book film of the year was the one no one was excited for. Well, folks, we all learned to never judge a film by its trailer once this smartly written, sharply filmed and sleekly acted origin story unfolded on the screen. This was Michael Fassbender’s year, and he proved he could carry a blockbuster with the best of them in his household-name-making turn as Erik Lensherr (later to become Magneto), a suave, intelligent, pre-Daniel Craig Bond-eqsue mutant on a mission. Yes, January Jones was blander than a modern X-Men comic without Wolverine (whose cameo, by the way, made up for the atrocious X-Men Origins: Wolverine), but the rest of the cast holds their own, especially Atonement’s McAvoy, who embodies Xavier fully with the youthful spirit one could always see a glimmer of in Patrick Stewart’s eye. Yes, Nolan showed us that a great comic book movie can be dark and brooding, but First Class reminds us that it doesn’t have to be.

"Ok, he may have gotten to be in a Tarantino film, but I got to hook up with Kiera Knightley. Oh, he was in A Dangerous Method? Damn it!"

7.) Martha Marcy May Marlene (Dir. Sean Durkin; Starring: Elizabeth Olsen, John Hawkes, Sarah Paulson, Hugh Dancy; U.S.)

Often times, when we go to the movies and see a great film, we lay back in our seats and go “Wow”. We let the waves of the experience wash over us in our minds as the credits roll and instantly know we’ve seen something unique and incredible. But every once and a while, a great film will slip through the cracks of our perception. Like great modern art or some deceptively vague song lyrics from the likes of Leonard Cohen, certain films’ adept grace and piercing depth will allude us upon first viewing, and we’ll cast it off as “ok” or “dull”. Whether it’s the pacing or the style, or even dialogue which seems “aloof” or characters that seem “unreal”, a film won’t truly click for a viewer for some time. Martha Marcy May Marlene is one of those films that, while seemingly slow or ill-made upon first viewing, seeps its way into the crevices of your consciousness, in no small part due to the haunting performance of Elizabeth Olsen. Every aspect, from the pacing to the shot choices to the acting, over time one sees as deliberate, each moment planned and aimed for a certain lingering, haunting effect. Martha Marcy May Marlene is cinematic pointillism. While watching the film, in all it’s ambiguity and sluggishness, it’s as though our faces are pressed against the canvas of Seurat's “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte”. It is only with distance that we can take in the beauty.

Ever think you'd be saying "That Olsen sister got robbed of an Oscar"?

6.) Rango (Dir. Gore Verbinsky; Starring: Johnny Depp; Isla Fischer; Bill Nighy; Abigail Breslin; U.S.)

A studio-produced animated film that didn’t pander to children. A psychedelic masterpiece that beats the 3rd Harold & Kumar for “Stoner Film of the Year”. A Western-infused, kid-friendly surrealist piece that works like “My First Jodorowsky”. The praise can be heaped on the delightfully strange Rango, whose style and humor don’t just avoid kids film clichés, they do a Mexican hat dance around them. From cameos ranging from Hunter S. Thompson (with Johnny Depp reprising his role as the late doctor of journalism) to the brilliant “Spirit of the West”, as portrayed in a pitch perfect voice by Timothy Olyphant; to bizarre one-liners (“I once found a whole human spinal cord in my fecal matter.”), Verbinsky’s world of rodents and lizards is a head-trip I’d gladly take again and again.

Mommy, who's Dr. Gonzo? Is he related to the Muppet?

5.) Melancholia (Dir. Lars Von Trier; Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Kiefer Sutherland, Alexander Skarsgard; France/Denmark)

Like Van Gogh’s "Starry Night", one wonders, when Lars Von Trier takes on a genre, whether he’s subverting it consciously, or if this is simply how he perceives it, and is earnestly replicating what he sees when he looks at it. Perhaps when Von Trier watches a typical musical like The Sound of Music, he sees Dancer in the Dark. Perhaps to him, Antichrist is just like any other horror film. I like to hope so, because it makes me believe that Von Trier was watching some typical sci-fi apocalyptic dreck like Armageddon when he concocted the idea for the gorgeous, serenely unsettling Melancholia. With Kirsten Dunst giving a career-best performance as Justine, a woman in the depths of depression, the film explores the tranquility of hopelessness and evokes both the tragic overtones of the tragedy of Tristan and Isolde as well as the dreamy quality of Bunuel’s Un Chien Andalou by its masterful utilization of the Wagner Prelude which oft-accompanies both. To explain or dissect Melancholia is to do it a disservice. It is a film to be experienced, and a highlight for both Dunst and Von Trier that was shamefully ignored by the major awards.

Lars, do more of these, and less Hitler jokes, and you might just be alright.

4.) Midnight In Paris (Dir. Woody Allen; Starring: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Marion Cotillard, Kathy Bates; U.S./Spain)

I make no effort to hide my admiration of Woody Allen, but I also make no effort to hide the fact that he hasn’t had a hit since Match Point, and that he hasn’t made a truly great film since 1989’s Crimes and Misdemeanors (though 1996’s Everyone Says I Love You is sorely underrated). Having been burned the past three years by the atrocious Vicky Christina Barcelona, and the cute-but-empty Whatever Works and You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger, I was hesitant to see the newest entry to the oeuvre. But the rave reviews poured in, and as the opening sequence (a fully lit love letter to Paris not unlike his similar ode to his former mistress, the intro to 1979’s Manhattan) played out, I could see why. It was Woody being true to form. His characters skewered the pseudo-intellectuals he’s hated since he pulled Marshall McLuhan from behind a poster in Annie Hall, while turning a few of the jabs at his younger self. You see, Midnight In Paris isn’t the typical examination of love that Woody’s churned out for years. No, rather how Annie Hall analyzed our relationship with others, and Crimes and Misdemeanors analyzed our relationship with God (or morality), Midnight in Paris (in a much lighter fashion) analyzes our relationship with the past. The Golden Age Woody used to kvetching-ly long for seems to have faded for him, as he realizes nostalgia is more a self-deluding prison than a cute little hobby. Midnight in Paris remains one of the most creative and fun films of the year, without sacrificing any of its intelligence to entertain.

Someday, Woody Allen will allow a man to walk with his hands out of his pockets. Some day.

3.) Cave of Forgotten Dreams (Dir. Werner Herzog; Documentary; U.S./U.K./Canada/France/Germany)

Ah, yes. 3D movies. Leave it to acclaimed filmmaker Werner Herzog, master of such cinematic spectacles as Fitzcarraldo and Rescue Dawn, as well as somber, meditative pieces like Strozek and Grizzly Man, to find the true potential of the third dimension. Granted unprecedented (yet still severely limited) access to the famous Chauvet-Pont-d'Arc Cave in southern France, which contains the oldest cave paintings to have been discovered to date and have only been seen by select members of the scientific and archeological field, Herzog uses a 3-D camera to invite the audience to see what he himself saw, to witness every crack and crevice in the wall, and to feel the urge to reach out and touch what hasn’t been touched in thousands of years. In typical Herzog fashion, he takes a subject most would only have a passing interest in (in this case, old cave paintings) and not only finds a way to make it visually engaging but also, using his bleak narrative voice, finds a story within the walls of the cave that is both compelling and beautiful (the title Cave of Forgotten Dreams already proves Herzog isn’t just out to show pretty pictures). While it is common for documentaries on foreign locales to make the viewer long to be there, after viewing Herzog’s film, one feels as though they already were there, standing alongside the crew as they gazed at the hand painted walls, the fog of their breath grazing the stampeding buffalo frozen in time on the cold stone. Herzog breaks up the footage of the caves with interviews, mostly scientists commenting on how the cave came to be perfectly preserved, and aerial shots of the Pont d’Arc where Herzog’s somber German accent nails home the idea that these walls, these paintings frozen forever within the confines of the cave, represent a world we will never know, and yet provide a gateway to imagine the people who lived in that world. Never has a cinematic spectacle been so serene and introspective.

Herzog's documentaries are so much more relaxing when the "bear on man massacres" are minimal.

2.) The Artist (Dir. Michel Hazanavicius; Starring: Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, John Goodman, Uggie)

Those who haven’t seen it deride The Artist being a silent film as a “gimmick” (before they go back to lamenting that Drive and Fast Five were robbed of Oscar nods in favor of the film). Yet to take in The Artist in theatres (which I highly recommend. Particularly for New Yorkers, the old-school style of the Paris Theatre on West 58th Street give the film-going experience an additional air of nostalgia), one realizes that the medium of silent film was chosen for the same reason Alan Moore chose the comic book (now called a “graphic novel”) to tell his landmark story Watchmen; because it was the best medium with which to tell the story. Before The Artist, the best film to deal with the era of silent pictures was a Technicolor musical (1952’s classic Singin’ in the Rain), and yet even that film, for all its mastery, couldn’t capture the excitement of silent films, an excitement nearly impossible to raise in an audience so used to sound. Even classic silent pictures like Modern Times or The Passion of Joan of Arc can’t capture an average audience’s attention. So it is a testament to the boldness and skill of director Michel Hazanavicius (who came to small international attention with 2006’s OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies which also starred both The Artist’s leads) that The Artist is receiving acclaim both from critics and the public alike. The film is so light-hearted that its lead, the superb Jean Dujardin, seems at times to dance on air, and certain moments (like Peppy playing with George’s jacket, Jack’s run for help, and of course the “leg dance” scene) are so well done as to feel like iconic scenes of classic silent cinema, as though Hazanavicius lifted them from a past film rather than write them himself (And on the subject of Hazanavicius “lifting things from other films”, shut up, Kim Novack). In fact, that’s where The Artist truly succeeds. Its style, its brilliant performances (It takes a film where characters espouse that silent film acting is “easier” than having to talk to prove the opposite is true), and its overall warmth make it instantly feel as though The Artist has been a classic for decades, a long-lost silent era gem only recently unearthed. Yes, it looks as though it’s going to sweep the awards this year, and it damn well should.

Our hands are open. Just drop those Oscars right in 'em.

1.) Bellflower (Dir. Evan Glodell; Starring: Evan Glodell, Jessie Wiseman, Tyler Dawson, Rebekah Brandes; U.S.)

In a year that brought big-budget entries from big names like Scorsese, Allen, Clooney, Payne and Fincher, it’s definitely a shock that the most thrilling and unique film came from a no name director on a shoe-string budget. Written, directed, and starring Evan Glodell, Bellflower is the breath of fresh air cinema so truly needed. The film captures the apathetic hipster generation with the same skill as Kerouac captured his, with characters who feel so real its as though the viewer simply stumbled into a house party right in the center of Suburbia, USA. The film is unlike anything ever seen before, in part due to what is actually being seen. Bellflower’s distinct look comes from the Coatwolf Model II, a camera built by Glodell’s production company (Coatwolf Productions) specifically for the film. The film distorts color, feels burned and scarred, and perfectly captures the emotion of the directionless Woodrow as he drifts through his life. The cast is stellar, and the story is brilliantly compelling without falling prey to the tropes and idioms of the “mumble-core” genre it’s been repeatedly lumped into. Anyone who came of age in the lethargic first decade of the new millennium will recognize these flannel-draped lost boys. You had class with them, you smoked pot with them, or you were them. Like the youth of the 60’s were Ben and Elaine in The Graduate, and the teens of the 80’s were all in The Breakfast Club, it is the fate of my generation that we all resides in the distorted, burned sepia world of Bellflower Avenue. Though perhaps not the most accessible film of the year, it is the one with the most distinct voice, the most unique vision, and the most satisfying catharsis. If Glodell never makes another film, he’s still a master of the art form for this brilliant piece.

This is Evan Glodell, having just murdered all your preconceptions of indie cinema.

All the other "Bests" of the Year:

Best Director of the Year:
Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist

Though part of me wanted to give this to Bellflower’s Evan Glodell, my admiration for the sheer pair of steel couilles it took for Hazanavicius to make a silent film in 2011, as well as the mastery with which he did it, earns Hazanavicius the title of the year’s best director. The man’s a strong talent who’s skill is evolving in leaps and bounds. I’m certain we’ll be seeing even more of him in the future, and I can’t wait.

Runner-Up: Evan Glodell for Bellflower

Best Screenplay of the Year:
Woody Allen for Midnight In Paris

Every major award can’t be wrong, right? Allen’s best script in decades already received heaps of praise when the film came in my #4 for best of the year, so there’s nothing more to say here other than “Good to have you back, sir.”


Runner-Up: Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist

Best Cinematography of the Year:
Joel Hodge for Bellflower

Hodge(left) with Glodell

The most visually inventive film of the year (and this is a year with Rango and Melancholia), the Coatwolf Model II, as wielded by Joel Hodge, sets the screen ablaze with the heat of 10 flamethrowers, seemingly the same amount that’s on the Mother Medussa car the characters drive around. Hell, just look up stills from the film, and you’ll see why Hodge’s work is undoubtedly this year’s finest.

Runner-Up: Manuel Alberto Claro for Melancholia

Best Editing of the Year:
Evan Glodell, Joel Hodge, Jonathan Keevil, Vincent Grashaw for Bellflower

I couldn't find a picture of all of them, so here's Evan Glodell looking badass.

I once had a professor say something I believed for a long time, that good editing should go unnoticed while you’re watching a film. Well, Bellflower spits in the face of that statement, with a wild, jumping style that enhances the narrative voice of the film. The film’s rapid, driving pulse is dictated by the editing, and while it’s at times erratic, it’s never once out of control.

Runner-Up: Zachary Stuart-Pontier for Martha Marcy May Marlene

Best Score of the Year:
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Two men. Not one ounce of joy between them.

Reznor and Ross are back in full force after last year’s The Social Network, and while the film they’re scoring is leagues below the last one, the work they produced is just as strong as before. The minimalist compositional approach succeeds where the rest of the film fails; it captures the tone without drowning the audience in it.

Runner-Up: Ludovic Bource for The Artist

Best Actor of the Year:
Michael Fassbender as Brandon Sullivan in Shame

In an otherwise forgettable film, Fassbender (who owned this year in cinema with this, A Dangerous Method and X-Men: First Class) shone in a flawless performance as Brandon, a slave to his overactive libido. Even when the film takes absurd turns, Fassbender sells it so strong and so genuine that one cannot help but believe it. Severely stiffed in this year’s awards race, it’s undeniable the stellar caliber of Fassbender’s performance, the kind one rarely sees in film anymore.

Runner-Up: Jean Dujardin as George Valentine in The Artist

Best Actress of the Year:
Elizabeth Olsen as Martha in Martha Marcy May Marlene

Olsen’s film debut is a bold, heart-wrenching performance that far exceeds and “Hollywood heartbreaker” you can throw out there. The tortured Martha is lost to us, lost within herself, and that’s just what makes her so compelling. The film hinges on this performance, and without an actress as strong as Olsen it would crumble. But like the Coatwolf crew behind the camera, Olsen is a well-needed breath of fresh air, a new actress who’s not a starlet, not afraid to bear her soul, and to dive into deep parts without an ounce of reserve.

Runner-Up: Kirsten Dunst as Justine in Melancholia

Best Supporting Actor of the Year:
Tom Hiddleston as Loki in Thor

Yeah, yeah. I know it’s a superhero film. I know about Christopher Plummer. Yes, I’m sure Warrior is an underrated film. But let’s take a minute to appreciate that Hiddleston (who also appears in Midnight in Paris as F. Scott Fitzgerald and War Horse as Captain Nicholls) takes on a mythological character and plays him with both a grandiosity and a human sensibility (a delicate balance, one can appreciate, after seeing a few failed productions of The Tempest). The entirety of Thor’s Asgard scenes (also known as the only enjoyable scenes) take on a Shakespearian air, and as such Hiddleston sells it better than any supporting performance getting awards nods this year. Plus, let’s face it, he outshines Anthony Hopkins. This is no easy feat.

Runner-Up: John Hawkes in Martha Marcy May Marlene

Best Supporting Actress of the Year:
Melissa McCarthy as Megan in Bridesmaids

Oh, if the pretentious were pissed about Hiddleston, their blood has to be boiling now. I’m sorry, but a great, scene-stealing comedic performance has to be acknowledged, and I haven’t seen one this strong since Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, or perhaps as far back as Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda. McCarthy became a star with this role, and it’s undoubtedly the most memorable supporting performance of the year.

Runner-Up: Berenice Bejo as Peppy Miller in The Artist

Best Ensemble Cast of the Year:
Carnage

This forgettable Polanski adaptation of the play God of Carnage did have a stellar cast. Yes, Christoph Waltz is easily the weakest of the four, but in a cast of Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, and the always great John C. Reilly, that’s good company to be weak in. Of the four, it’s Rielly and Foster who really shine, but the cast plays off of each other brilliantly, and were it not for their considerable skill, the film would go from forgettable to unwatchable.

Runner-Up: Bellflower

Breakout Performance of the Year:
Uggie for Jack in The Artist

The fact that there was a movement to get him an Oscar nod says something, doesn’t it? I know there has to be scoffs from those who have yet to see The Artist, but before you go smirking your pretentious smirks, see the film. Uggie steals every scene, and there hasn’t been a finer animal performance since Rin Tin Tin (a contender for the original Best Actor prize, according to Susan Orlean). Hell, there’s been more talk about Uggie than his co-star Berenice Bejo, who actually received a nomination. Though retiring, Uggie has earned his place in cinema history, even if he doesn’t know it.

Runner-Up: Elizabeth Olsen for Martha in Martha Marcy May Marlene

Most Overrated Films of the Year:
Drive & The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Here we have two pieces of ultra-violent, ultra-sleek film candy that critics seems to think were masterpieces. Both are lifeless, vacant “thrill-rides” that have nothing below the surface but a visceral appeal, and if that’s what they’re accepted as, well, mazel tov. But instead, critics jumped on these films as though they were the second coming, and I can already see the internet comments for dissing GWTDT (I prefer the Swedish version), a film that has proven to be this year’s “that film”, one that is deemed perfect by it’s die-hard fan base, who refuse to listen to any argument that the film might have any fault at all (for an example of this phenomena in other films, try explaining to the Nolan leg-humpers that the math at the end of The Dark Knight doesn’t make sense.) After promising character studies from Drive’s Nicolas Winding Refn and GWTDT’s David Fincher (Bronson & The Social Network, respectively), these vapid let-downs will likely be seen for what they are once the hype dies down. As for where all that hype will go next? Well, The Hunger Games and The Dark Knight Rises, have fun dealing those fans.

Most Underrated Films of the Year:
Cars 2 & Bellflower

Two films, underrated in two different ways. Bellflower simply failed to be on many people’s radar this year, but I’ve explained its merits enough in prior entries to this article, so I’ll take this time to talk about Cars 2. Dear critics and bloggers, Cars 2 is not the antichrist. I know this may shock you, given your reactions, and the copious amounts of venom you spit on it, but it’s not. Is it great? No. Did it deserve an Oscar nod? No. It was simple kids flick fare. Simple, forgettable kids flick fare that every production company is guilty of, even Disney. I’ve never understood all the hate, though. Nobody spits that kind of loathing at, say, Puss In Boots. Remember Meet The Robinsons? Neither do I. How about Rio? Nope. Both films were worse than Cars 2, so why were they not publicly crucified? Ah, yes. Because it’s Pixar. You’re all disappointed in Pixar. Many have said it, that it’s “beneath Pixar”, or that “Pixar let them down”, which is why Cars 2 gets an F, whereas had, say, Dreamworks made it, it probably would have gotten a C. It’s well animated, it tells the same typical story 1,001 kids films tell. So the only reason for its unrepentant revilement, as opposed to simple disinterest, is that fact that it’s made by Pixar. But where is the logic in that? Imagine if two students handed in papers of equal quality. Not great, but below average papers, both the same quality, and would normally receive the same grade. Except, in this case, the teacher goes “Bobby, you normally produce C papers, and this is no different, another C. But Billy, while this paper would get a C if anybody else did it, your papers are usually A+ level, therefore this paper will get an F, since I expected so much more from you.” So, come on, guys. A C paper is a C paper no matter who wrote it. And an ok film is an ok film, even if it is from the Toy Story guys.

10 Best Film Moments of the Year (regardless of the film’s quality as a whole):

There’s a shit-ton of spoilers here. Just saying. Also, unlike the last one, this one’s done from #1-#10, because if I started with my #10 pick, you’d all stop reading and judge me. Aaaaaand I don't own any of the clips I embedded here, nor do I own any of the above images.

1.) The opening credits to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

The best moment in film this year might also be the most ill-fitting. No, this bizarre stylized opening (not counting an idiotically brief clip with Christopher Plummer) doesn’t really fit with the film as well as it could have, but it looks really, really cool. So does the rest of the film, but while “looking really, really cool” isn’t enough to redeem a whole film (unless you go by what every critic seems to think of this flick), it certainly works for a credits sequence.

2.) George and Peppy’s “legs only” dance in The Artist

Like I said above, this scene is so brilliantly done it feels like an iconic scene we’ve known for years, and will likely become that very iconic scene we’ll remember till we’re old and grey. And even then, we’ll still be loving The Artist.

3.) The overture to Melancholia

One of the most gorgeous 8 minutes of cinema since the opening of Manhattan, I dubbed this film’s intro an overture, because there’s no other way to describe it. Von Trier crafted a visual overture to his film, containing all the themes and motifs without giving anything away. Beautiful, masterful, and unforgettable.

4.) Eric goes Nazi hunting in X-Men: First Class

It’s Inglourious Basterds meets James Bond in this stellar moment from X-Men: First Class as Eric searches for his mother’s killer. The multilingual Fassbender owns this scene as strong as any in Shame or A Dangerous Method, and finally gets to do the kick-ass Nazi killing he was deprived of in his Tarantino debut.

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5.) Woodrow’s rampage in Bellflower

We don’t have the actual scene here, just the ending which shows clips, but even so, it’s worth it to watch the whole film. As the film derails (or picks up, depending on your perspective), you question whether it’s all a dream, what does it all mean, and how can something so bleak, beautiful and captivating come from a group of guys with $17,000.

6.) “No!” from Rise of the Planet of the Apes

And now, a dramatic re-enactment of any person viewing this scene during Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

Viewer: This is an alright movie. Kinda slow. Is that the kid from Harry Potter?

Dodge: Take your stinking paw off me you damn dirty ape!

Viewer: Oh god, did they just do that? I was really hoping they wouldn’t do something lame like that and…

Caesar: No!

Viewer: …whoa, shit just got real.

7.) The Spirit of the West appears in Rango

If Hunter S. Thompson’s cameo didn’t make you think this film was for adults as much as kids, this had to do it for you. One of the most clever jokes in one of the most clever films of the year, the “Spirit of the West” sure looks a lot like Clint Eastwood. Sounds a lot like him too. And apparently they used to call him the “Man With No Name”. Fun fact: That guy doing the voice? That’s Deadwood’s Timothy Olyphant.

8.) “I never said I was in your closet!” from Scream 4

After Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, Wes Craven was undoubtedly the master of horror. After Scream 3 and My Soul To Take, there were some considerable doubts. And while the decidedly average Scream 4 seemed only to prove that the Ghostface franchise was dead in the water, this one scene proved ol’ Grandpa Wes has still got a few moves in him.

9.) The first getaway drive in Drive

This film had such promise. Before the GTA Vice City-esque credits, and the so-overdone-it’s-painful storyline, Drive featured a brilliant opening sequence showing what Ryan Gosling’s character normally does (and should have done the whole movie), which is be a brilliant getaway driver. This scene had a clever tension the film soon traded for fork-stabbings and clichés, but a least for this scene, Drive is a engaging and unique film.

10.) “I Want To Hold Your Hand” in Glee: The 3D Concert Film

Yes, detractors, sharpen your knives now. I’m sure you’d prefer I used this space from some car chase from Fast Five, or some “moving” speech from The Help, or the horse breaking that rock or whatever in War Horse. But in a year so musically dry for cinema that there’s only two songs nominated for Best Original Song this year (and neither is very good), ad not a movie-musical to be found, any bit of good singing is welcome. Now, look, Glee: The 3D Concert Movie isn’t exactly The Last Waltz or Madonna: Truth or Dare (though judging by some of the camera movements and shot choices, you can tell the cinematographer Glen MacPherson watched the former*). However, it is part of a new wave of 3D concert films, and compared to its predecessors (Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert and Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience), this one shows vast improvement cinematography-wise. The 3D is no longer being used to pander to pre-teens who want to touch their favorite stars, but rather just to enhance the viewing experience. Granted, that 3D would be better used on Springsteen or U2 than some of the moments in Glee, since some of its cast do seem to benefit greatly from studio augmentation. However, there is one shining moment in the otherwise “for fans only” Glee film. When the show’s breakout star, Chris Colfer, takes the stage to perform the Across The Universe take on “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, he not only out-performs Evan Rachel Wood, he out-performs himself from the show. It’s interesting to watch him feed off of the crowd, take control of the stage (the boy can sure as shit sing, his quality of performance alone being half the reason it’s #10). But what fascinates me most is that Colfer is, for all intents and purposes, a Broadway/Cabaret singer, in the vein of Streisand or Menzel. To look at Colfer’s face during his performance, you watch as, while touching hands, he realizes he owns this song (or at least this ballad-style version of it) the way Johnny Cash owned “Hurt”, or the way Hendrix owned “All Along the Watchtower”. Before this performance, even in previous concerts (check the bootlegs), he was just singing a song. But in this film, he owns it as “his signature song”, the kind all Broadway and cabaret divas have. Just think how great it would have been to have on video the first time Streisand really made “Don’t Rain on My Parade” her own, or the first time Idina Menzel belted out the final notes of “Defying Gravity” with the gravitas that says “This is mine”. With Colfer, we have that. He owns that song, that stage, and the whole damn film it’s on, and it’s the best cinematic musical performance of the year.

Yeah, a whole paragraph to justify it to you, dear reader, you probably still don’t like it. Well, then, just pretend it’s the Top 9.

The video’s not online, but here’s the audio. Kid fucking kills it. Listen to those screams. He’ll be stuck with this song for decades.

*I assume director Kevin Tancharoen was too busy planning his Mortal Kombat movie to watch The Last Waltz. Because fresh off the Glee movie, he’s making Mortal Kombat. This isn’t a joke.